The Madness of Life by Tracy Holczer

This has been a rough week.

Last Tuesday, I received a cell phone call from a number I didn't recognize. What followed was a kidnapping scam complete with a young screaming girl in the background. After being terrorized for almost three hours and wiring ransom money, I finally located all of my children and it came to an end.

Today I am waiting for the results of a biopsy for someone I love.

At the end of the week, I will go to a funeral and face people I haven't seen, by choice, in many years. Maybe. Jury is still out on this one.

It's not that life CAN be madness. Life IS madness. There are just days where we feel it in the marrow of our bones whereas other days we get to float along on the good will of Nature. People die. Other people live. There is suffering and heartache and joy and happiness and there is no rhyme or reason for any of it. Life moves along whether we are ready for it to or not.

People talk about gratitude during times like this. This does not help. Because trauma, it feels like anyway, wipes everything clean, and you have to build yourself from scratch.

I feel that one of my jobs as a writer for children is to lay a path. Not to give a false sense of security, but to show a way through the chaos. I want children (scratch that - everyone) to know that when life swings an ax, you will be okay. And the way to be okay is in connecting to other people. To love as hard as you can and be worthy of the love given in return. This is the goal. This is the only goal. The rest is just stuff.

My daughter, the one I thought had been taken, is teaching herself to play guitar. The first thing she picked out for me was the theme song for Harry Potter. She hates Harry Potter (I know, weirdo), but she knows I love those books. My other daughter has cheerfully stepped in and done some driving so I didn't have to. My third daughter has called almost every day just to talk about random stuff like eyebrow tattooing and Vanderpump Rules. Normal, everyday things.

I suppose, this is how I'm building myself from scratch.

Sending love and pixie dust (because it can't hurt, right?)