At Least Turtles Make Sense

 

It’s been a long minute since the planets aligned just right, allowing me to take a writing class. And this one is a doozy, sponsored by Lorin Oberweger and Free Expressions. This six-week course -- The Breakout Novel Intensive -- explores the principles outlined in Donald Maass ‘ book, Writing the Breakout Novel (2001). As a story nerd, I thrive on taking deep dives into the story engineering process, and this is as deep as it can get. This week we're working on micro-tensions. This type of tension isn't in the action itself, but in the psychology underscoring the action. To make this happen, the narrative uses dialogue and exposition to highlight the emotive presence.

As a working writer, I consider my job is to write. As such, I dutifully and gleefully do my job, sometimes hours at an end. I LOVE my job (writing, that is)!

Except, unexpectedly, these days I find myself rather spent after only an hour or two. It's not just writer's block.  And not just exhaustion. Something else bubbling just beneath the surface.

The only day, I went about doing some errands. I kept squirming because my running shorts didn’t seem to fit. O no, I bemoaned. I already have enough old lady fat. Turns out, I had put my britches on inside out AND backwards. And yes, I went out in public like that.

You may remember that I am the ultimate Doctor Who superfan. I’ve been watching the show since it first aired in 1963. In other words, my relationship with the Doctor has outlasted two husbands, four dogs and three cats. And yet, when the finale for the Fifteenth Doctor finally aired, I fell asleep.  What? What? WHAT?

And it’s hot outside.  Too hot to sleep. My garden is decimated. Bees are dropping off the petals, their little wings burned.  I even feel sorry for the wasps, those evil little buggers. The heat index has reached over 100 for several days, and there’s no end in sight. Combined with the high humidity, I feel like a toad swimming in boiling water. And toads do not like to swim.

You may remember that I live in the middle of Red Hat County. Politics are posted everywhere. I’ve learned to ignore it. 

Except, one neighbor did rant on about 800,000 dead people who voted illegally. I had to admit to him that zombies are just the worse.

Another neighbor railed about how we are a republic and not a democracy. I told him that he reminded me of some of my good friends. Perhaps he knew them: John Adams, James Madison, my personal favorite John Jay, and that upstart Alexander Hamilton, who all argued the very same thing for years. I told him, since he was interested, he could read all about it in the Federalist Papers. Granted, with 85 long-winded essays, it’s thicker than a comic book.

Flags hang upside down here. They're also worn as hats and britches and swimsuits. Everyone brags about how many guns they collect. One man rants about shooting a coyote (in the middle of a neighborhood?). Meanwhile, the school down the road had gone on lockdown a couple of weeks ago. And a couple blocks away, a high school student shot his neighbor.

You may remember, too, that I’m counting the days to when I no longer have to teach. At long last, I can choose which classes, and when, to teach. Or not. After forty years, it’s a daunting position. By the way, I hate WorkDay. I’m not the brightest bulb in the package when it comes to tech stuff. Still, all those fecking buttons and columns, and rows and arrows and … it took longer for me to fill out one spleeny form than to grade two weeks of class. (Yes, it’s God’s greatest joke to the universe that I teach online classes. But I am not laughing. I remember that movie when computers took control. It didn't end well for most folk.)

And remember some months back, I was so excited to share “some news” but had to wait until it becomes official. We’re still waiting. That’s how the business rolls. Patience is not my middle name.

Eegads. Has the world gone craxy?

Then I remember this wisdom from one of my favorite of favorite people and teachers. Dumbledore wisdom from Emma Dryden. I’ve shared this before, but it seems I  needed reminding, and maybe you do, too…

I think I'll go for a walk, and get some ice cream.  I'll go to the local pond and count the dragonflies and watch the turtles. At least turtles make sense. And no worries, I put my britches on the right way. Not that the turtles will care. And when I return to my story, I'll figure out how to write micro-tensions.

By the way, see what I did there?  For more information about the BONI and many other excellent seminars, webinars and classes at Free Expressions, check out their website. 

--Bobbi Miller