No Reflections
Okay, writers or teachers of writing or anyone interested in some behind-the-scenes stuff! Class is in session!
As a writer who has been in numerous critique groups and who has mentored other pre-published authors...
AND...
As a reader who voraciously consumed books as a kid and who continues to truly appreciate well-written material....
I feel qualified to suggest the following.
Sure, you may see it in other books, but you’re not writing other books. Well then, you ask, how do you avoid this? Simple-ish. You work it into plot or character development or, even, setting.
Examples in three categories.
1. Compare/contrast.
In The Seventh Level, Travis, who doesn’t mean to get into trouble is sitting across the desk from the assistant principal in charge of discipline. From Chapter 4:
Her eyes burn so hard into mine, I’m afraid she’ll turn my brown eyes green like hers.
Now we know a little bit more about Travis; not just his eye color but character and voice.
2. Dialogue/interaction.
This, from an as-yet-unpublished story of mine.
“Before you help—” he ruffled my hair “—I promised your mom we’d set up a time to get this mop cut. If it’s okay that I step in…” He didn’t need to finish.
“It’s okay. But not yet.” I forced a smile. “I kind of like it longer for now.”
The morning Dad died, he’d brushed the hair off my forehead. Somehow, it had gotten wavy. “Are you trying to be a dark-haired Thor?” I struck a pose and he joked that I still needed to grow nearly a foot, my pecs had a long way to go, and two whiskers did not make a beard.
Here, what started as an interaction, turned into a memory that also shows the relationship between the main charcter, his uncle, and his father.
3.Action
In The Gollywhopper Games, Gil needed to finish cutting a neighbor’s lawn, and now he’s up against the clock to get to the stadium in time to be a contestant.
Gil rammed the lawn mower into the splintered shed out back of their pea-sized house, then jammed his key into the lock. Inside, he grabbed a scrap of paper from the kitchen drawer and pulled out a pen. It slipped from his long, sweaty fingers and rolled under the stove. He grabbed another.
Wednesday. 11 a.m.
In line at the stadium. Look for me.
He raced to the front door, reached for the duffel, the sleeping bag and ...
What was that smell?
It was him – a rising stench of grass and sweat and lawn mower gas. Gil propelled himself down the hall, into the shower, beneath the cold water, fully dressed. He wedged off his shoes, peeled off his cut-off jeans, underwear and T-shirt and skipped the bar of soap over his body, squirted some shampoo on his wavy hair and urged the trickling water to rinse him faster. Then with one hand he turned off the shower and with the other, grabbed the nearest towel. Damp. Who cared who used it last. His mom? His dad? He’d barely use it anyway. The August weather in Orchard Heights would finish the job.
He jumped into jeans that his legs had almost outgrown again, and by the time he’d struggled into a grey t-shirt, he was at the front door, hoisting the duffel over his shoulder and burrowing his fingers under the elastic bands that kept the sleeping bag rolled. He pushed his feet into his flip-flops, shoved a baseball cap on his head and was back on the street.
***
Do remember: you don’t need to paint a full picture of any character's appearance unless it’s vital to the story. In my experience, readers are really terrific at filling in the outline with other details that only they can imagine. After all, story is a fabulous partnership between writer and reader. And if they imagine the character looking somewhat different than you did, it’s no reflection on you or on your story.
Class dismissed!
Jody Feldman holds numerous workshops on character, theme, idea generation, and more. Sometimes, she loves teaching more than writing. Sometimes, the other way around.
This is SO IMPORTANT. Readers draw half of the picture.
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